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51scotty 's blog

In common with a lot of others on here I haven't sat down and done a blog for a while,i've been busy with other things.......yes contrary to general belief I do have other hobbies apart from my occasional little trysts with one of the small circle of ladies who have helped to lead me astray over the past couple of years..............b ut a couple of weeks ago I made a trip down to London that certainly warrants me taking time out to write about.

I hadn't met a new lady for quite a while, as I was more than happy to occasionally hook--er up with any one of the lovely ladies i'd seen before, when funds and the time/excuse permitted, but I had been attracted by the sense of humour of a new lady who had just started posting on the Punterlink forums/blogs and we started to exchange pm's and emails......she sounded great fun, and when she sent me a couple of pics which had this old dog sratching holes in the carpet with his back legs I just knew I had to meet her......So we arranged a 'date' for a Sunday afternoon in London, and I booked a nice hotel in Shaftesbury Avenue......it was chucking it down with rain when she arrived at my hotel, so it was a good job Chinatown was just around the corner as we had decided to have a meal in a nice chinese restaurant there that I had previously been to, and then afterwards retire back to the hotel for dessert.....we had been joking about what fun we could have with cherries and whipped cream, so for a laugh unknown to my lady friend I had bought a can of cream and had secreted it away in the mini-bar fridge, but couldn't find any cherries to go with it anywhere........Oh well, it looked like it would have to be just whipped cream then, and the thought of that was going through my mind as we finished our meal......bet she wondered why I had a silly grin on my face....... If the waiter in the chinese restaurant had asked me if I wanted any dessert I think I would have been rolling on the floor with laughter, as I would have had to answer "Yes, but not here", but thankfully the place was busy and they were in a rush to get us out, which was just as well because I was pretty eager to get back to the hotel.......too eager in fact because one thing soon led to another and I never even got round to squirting that whipped cream anywhere, despite finding a couple of cherries that were crying out to be covered in it.

To top it all, when I checked out of the hotel the next morning I forgot all about the can of whipped cream in the fridge.......I bet it brought a wry smile to the maids face when she serviced the room which had been occupied by a single male gent, to discover condoms in the waste bin and a can of whipped cream in the mini-bar. lol.........But not half as big a smile as the one that was on my face the previous evening when my lady friend had finished with me.

My circle of friends seems to be getting bigger.
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Added on: 03/23/07 02:08
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I'd never visited Amsterdam before and when a delightful lady asked me before Christmas if I would like to accompany her on a trip there for a weekend sometime in the new year I thought she was joking......but when it transpired she was deadly serious, and was not looking for a rich sugar daddy (which I am most definately not) to pay for her to have a weekend in a luxury five star hotel and return home with a big fat four figure fee tucked safely into her suspender belt.....I jumped at the chance, even if still a little bewildered as to why she had asked me of all people, and I quickly sorted out a couple of cheap flights and a 'dodgy hotel' which was right in the heart of the red light district......someth ing we both found quite amusing.....talk about taking coal to Newcastle.

I arrived on the Friday evening armed with fish and chips and a couple of bottles of wine, taking her up on the kind offer she'd made to let me stay at her place (which was closer to the airport we were flying from), to save me travelling in the middle of the night as we had a very early flight on the Saturday morning.....we didn't get to bed until the early hours though as we sat drinking the wine and nattering about Amsterdam....she had been once before and was hopefully going to steer me away from all the dodgy areas.....fat chance of that as she turned out to be as fascinated by the red light area and the window girls as I was.

We got to the airport in plenty of time the following morning, and not for the first time recently I nearly had to travel without my companion, as she looked nothing like the photo in her passport and had a hard job convincing passport control that it really was her.....you ladies and your changing hair colour/styles, I wonder why you bother to have a photo taken in the first place......you all look different a few days later.....not a problem for us bald guys. lol

We arrived at our 'dodgy' hotel which was only a five minute walk from the main railway station in the centre of Amsterdam well before midday, but could not check in until 2.00pm so we left our bags and went a stroll through the red light district which was literally just round the corner.......wow! what an eye opener, but more about that in a minute.....my 'friend' had told me to leave all the talking to her when checking in to the hotel as she would charm us a nice room.....we had read in reviews on the hotel that some rooms were without windows either being below ground level or at the back of the hotel, and the best rooms had windows which overlooked the canal at the front of the hotel......her request for a room overlooking the canal was greeted with what I suppose is the standard response of ' i'll see what I can do ', and when asked if we would like twin beds or a double her reply requesting the latter prompted the receptionist to give me a wry smile....or perhaps it was a smirk......anyway it did the trick and we had a lovely room with two large windows overlooking the canal, suddenly ' hotel dodgy ' looked a lot less dodgy...in fact it was not too bad at all for the money, and included a buffet breakfast served in the Irish pub next door, which although only basic did set you up for the rest of the days sightseeing.....or in our case window shopping in the red light district.

I could not believe how many red light window girls were plying their trade, there were hundreds of them, all shapes and sizes, colours and nationalities, from old hags to page three models...... I had been told to expect to be shocked but wasn't prepared for this......I can understand why Amsterdam is a very popular place for guys on stag parties or in groups just intent on having a 'fuckfest' weekend away.......Although some of the girls looked disinterested it seemed more to do with the fact that the majority of people strolling about were just voyeurs and not actually buying, rather than them being forced into offering horinzontal services.....the vast majority of the girls had inticing smiles and were certainly giiving out plenty of 'come on' signals to try and lure any prospective punters into their little bedrooms, ans some of them were gorgeous.....the only thing I found disturbing was that a lot of the girls were very very young.

We certainly had a laugh wandering round though, even if most of the laughs were at my expense.....my lady friend was intent on getting me fixed up with an old hag.....continual comments like " look at her, and don't you fancy her?" pointing to ladies who were old enough to be my mother......and then there were the drug pushers on every corner, who seemed to think I may have a problem 'getting it up', and because I had an attractive lady on my arm who was obviously not my daughter, tried to sell me viagra all the time.....cheeky buggers, if they hadn't been so big i'd have thumped them......The only downside was the weather which was almost continual rain the whole time we were there, forcing us to take repeated refreshment breaks in some of the many bars and coffee shops.....trouble was you came out of the coffee shops feeling as high as a kite without even having a smoke or a slice of 'space muffin cake', such was the heavy smoke filled atmosphere in those places....or maybe they put something into my hot chocolate. lol......we also took shelter from the rain in some of the many sex shops......now my daughter has just started hosting Ann Summers parties to earn herself a little extra cash, she would have made herself a fortune with some of the stuff for sale in those shops.....The lovely lady I took to Barcelona last October took her rampant rabbit with her....think she must have thought the same about me as those drug pushers.....well some of the toys on sale here would have put her rampant rabbit to shame big time, they've got some here that would make an elephant wince.

The laughs continued, my Amsterdam lady bought herself some different coloured wigs as she fancied the idea of me taking some photos of her in skimpy costumes posing in the hotel bedroom window a la red light window girls style......Freyda I think I called her when trying to prove those viagra selling drug pushers wrong......Two guys in the apartment block opposite, on the other side of the narrow canal must have thought it was their birthday as she posed in the window for those pics, I thought they were going to fall into the canal in their quest to get a better look ...she liked the black wig she'd bought so much that on the Saturday night she decided to go out wearing it to see if she could disprove the blondes have more fun theory......it suited her actually, and she did have fun......but she cheated and wore a low cut top that attracted all the attention......so it proved nothing!.....her hair could have been sky blue pink and nobody would have noticed.

This guy outside one of the live sex show theatres tried to entice us in.......I think he thought watching it was about as close as I would get to live sex.....we stood talking to him for quite a while, as my lady friend was firing questions at him about the Amsterdam sex scene and the window girls earning's potential....which reminds me Freyda if you read this....you still owe me a fiver from that bet we had when we sat in that bar watching those five window girls, and I bet you none of them would have a customer in the next half hour, and they didn't.....come on pay up!.....We walked by the same live sex show theatre the following evening and the same guy was on duty outside, she was minus her black wig this time but he recognised her and came running up to us.....She said "blimey he recognised me and last night I had that wig on"....I knew it wasn't her hair he was looking at!.......minutes later we were having a short guided tour of the area by one of the local pimps.....think he quite fancied having Freyda on his books as one of the girls he 'looks after'......we spent quite a bit of time sitting having a drink watching the girls in their windows wondering how long a guy gets to spend with them for his 50 euros, and how many guys they see in a day.....but the truth was even the really attractive ones didn't seem to be doing too much business, so i'd hate to think how busy the old hags were.....I know it's not nice of me to use the 'hag' word to describe them, they are probably quite nice albeit rather elderly ladies ......but I think the drug pushers with their apparent huge stocks of viagra would have been needed if one had managed to drag me into her window......with my lady friend pushing me in as well no doubt.

All in all a thoroughly enjoyable weekend in Amsterdam, with good company, good food and wine including a lunchtime picnic in the room after buying fresh baked bread and assorted sandwich fillings from the local supermarket which we had to spread without a knife... washed down with a couple of cold beers....think I enjoyed that the best.....shows how easily i'm pleased.

So boys when you next visit Amsterdam, and the lady you choose says her name is Freyda....she could either have blonde, black or pink hair....ask her if she can sing 2 lips from Amsterdam.....if she can please inform me....then I'll know she has gone back and hired one of those red light windows......she says she doesn't read the forums or blogs.....I don't think i'll tell her i've posted this little story.

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Added on: 02/21/07 20:48
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I've clocked up a couple of firsts since my last blog a month ago.....A first ever visit to a parlour and a short trip to a city i've always wanted to visit......the parlour visit was on my way home from the Country Manor House Hotel where I had met my buxom modern day Lady Chatterley, we had been talking about the escort scene in general, and although she confessed to having no first hand knowledge of the parlour scene she imagined it would be little different from visiting a lady who was on tour doing incalls from a city centre hotel, an experience that she knew only too well was fresh in my memory.....to be honest I think she wanted me to try a parlour so that I could tell her all about it, and in a funny way she helped finance my visit because she insisted that I complain about the poor room service we had received, something I would probably not otherwise have done, which resulted in my hotel bill being reduced, and me with money in my pocket that I didn't expect to have........the previous evening's room service of the non-food variety although leaving me exhausted, had also induced a very good nights sleep, so I set off home the following morning feeling quite refreshed, and surprisingly quite horny........there's something about good sex that makes you hungry for more, so whether it was the thoughts of the previous evenings delightful romp with Lady C which were still spinning around in my head or the money burning a hole in my pocket I don't know, but before I knew it I was calling the number of a parlour i'd remembered storing in my phone ages ago, and was making an half-hour appointment.

I was ushered to a nice room where I was soon joined by my chosen lady, refreshing drink in hand which was most welcome after my longish journey....she was a mature blonde in her late thirties, very friendly and chatty which I wasn't expecting, she asked me how I knew about the parlour and if I was in the area on business.....when I told her the story behind my visit she burst out laughing, which was a good way to break the ice, and I had a most enjoyable half hour with a lovely lady which was in no way cold or clinical as I imagined it would be.......although only there for a short time which I found strange, I never felt rushed in any way, and stayed well over the half hour as she was in no rush to shove me out the door as we chatted away afterwards........La dy C you have a lot to answer for in leading me astray.
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Added on: 02/20/07 16:11
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My little excursion down south to the 18th century manor house hotel that my lady had suggested I book was a great laugh.....I like to have fun and a laugh with interesting and intelligent ladies, and this lady is all of that and more...... she does not live far away and said how nice this hotel was, but thought it might be a bit pricey .......however it was on Laterooms.com at a vastly reduced price so I went ahead and booked......I had been looking forward to being Lord of the Manor all week, as although I had stayed in a couple of nice London hotels recently, this manor house would be by far the best...I just hoped it wouldn't be too posh for someone who is not too comfy in a collar and tie and has a broad midlands accent, and with that in mind we had a late change of plan away from eating in the stuffed shirt dining room, and decided to opt for something simple from room service like a nice steak or prawn salad instead of Guinea fowl "en crepinette" with mediterranean vegetables and rosemary polenta in the restaurant.

I arrived at the hotel about 5pm and on checking in confirmed that myself and the business colleague I had arranged to meet would be able to have a meal from room service later, as we had rather a lot of work to do, as boring as that may seem on a Sunday evening, and were planning on having a working supper.......I don't know how I kept a straight face, but I did, and was informed that it would be no problem, as long as you order before 10pm Sir......great I thought, as I wandered off to find my room, i'd got a couple of hours to chill out a little after the journey and have a shower and get ready to greet her at 7ish as agreed......the room was lovely large and spacious, and my naughty eyes lit up at the sight of the King/Queen sized bed.....i'm never sure which is the bigger of those two, but this was big believe me, so big I was worried in case they were expecting us to share it with another two couples.....then I went into the bathroom......it was bigger than my bedroom at home....you could have had a dance in there....a tango sprang to mind! lol......and the answer to your next question is....'no comment'......so far so good.....I phoned my lady to let her know i'd arrived and she said she'd meet me in the reception/lounge/lob by area between 7-7.30pm, so with that all sorted I flopped on the bed to have a little nap for half an hour......as I lay on my back on the bed I happened to glance up.....Oh my god!.....chandeliers .....I hope she doesn't expect me to swing from them!....those days are long gone.

We had been laughing all week in the build up to it, about how I was going to feel like Lord of the Manor and she was going to be Lady Chatterley, and as we had had a real laugh on a previous meeting with a little role play this hotel was going to be the perfect setting for something similar.....At 7.20pm I went down to reception to await my Lady C.....by 8.00pm still no sign of her.....blimey was I going to get stood up again....I knew there was no chance of that and hoped she hadn't had an accident......but then to my relief she waltzes in very apologetic, apparently just as she was leaving home two friends arrived unannounced and she couldn't tell them she was off out to be a modern day horizontal Lady C.....and then to top it off the sat nav that was a present from a lovely kind gent.....well they were her words.....they certainly weren't mine.....had took her to Tesco's......I thought you knew where this hotel was I said.....wasn't sure in the dark was the reply......and she's not even blonde!

Anyway she was here now and I had quite enjoyed myself sitting in the large reception area watching all the eye candy arrive dressed up to the nines for the staff party that was being held that evening, and very nice too they were.......so by the time we got up to our room I was feeling quite frisky, and I remembered that I owed her one from the last time we had met when she had left me with an expression on my face akin to the one Oliver Twist had when he was holding out his empty gruel bowl......and we'd better make best use of that bed before we were asked to share it with half a dozen others.

By 9pm we had worked up quite an appetite, so after a quick glance at the menu I was on the phone for a nice meal from room service, only to be told that all the chefs had already gone to the staff party and we could only have sandwiches......well not happy, but beggars can't be choosers so we had to settle for that.....they couldn't even get that right and it looked as if they had been pinched from the staff party buffet.....I am not normally the complaining type, but Lady C insisted that I did, I agreed to do it when I checked out in the morning, and we made the best of it.......make sure you do she said, so in the morning when I paid my bill I spoke to the manager and told him my business colleague was not very happy that she didn't get a full service last night, and that room service could only provide sandwiches when I had been promised a proper meal, and couldn't even rustle up a bowl of chips.....he was apologetic and removed the room service element from my bill....... but my ladies insistence that I did complain only got me into more trouble on the way home, as I had money in my pocket that i didn't expect to have.....but that's another story!

After eating our sandwiches it was time for this modern day Lady Chatterley to seduce her new fictitious chauffeur, (well I didn't fancy being Mellors the gardener) the appropriately named Hywel Loveitt, who had driven Lady C to the Manor House for her clandestine meeting with the Right Honourable Willie Shagwell......how we both kept straight faces i'll never know, as Hywel Loveitt asked Lady C if there was anything else she wanted before he left.......I won't tell you what reply she had to say, and after that it was all ad lib......but she definately got her wish.......we were both in pieces afterwards.....I think the older I get the sillier I get.

We were both still giggling when it was time for my lady to leave, and I was soon in a deep slumber.....well it's hard work driving that Bentley when you've got such a sexy employer as Lady C. .......I woke up about 7 the next morning, the noise from the other rooms woke me up and i realised you could hear every word spoken in the adjoining rooms.......I wonder what my neighbours thought when they saw a single guy emerge from room 28.......perhaps they thought I was both visually impaired and hard of hearing, and had been listening to one of my talking books with the volume turned up loud.....do they have male and female actors reading the respective parts in those books?.......well they do in the two i've got, xxx ones entitled "I owe you one from last time" and "Oh Lady Chatterley"
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Added on: 01/24/07 17:54
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After my first planned adventure of the year ended with the disappointment of a last minute cancellation, that left me with a slightly empty feeling of a different kind to the one I was hoping for, it was nice to be able to fall back on an old friend......So instead of starting 2007 off with a visit to a new lady, it was a very familiar smile that greeted me as I opened the door of my hotel room.......There is something about the anticipation of waiting in an hotel room for that knock on the door that gets the pulse racing, even when you know who you are about to open the door to......and this particular lady I knew very well as she was the blonde who took my escort virginity in this country almost two years ago.......I hadn't seen her for three months so it was lovely to see that smile of hers again......it is one of those smiles that says it all, and she doesn't really need to add the words she likes to use often "Who me?...I'm all sweet and innocent".

That expression is quite a big turn on actually because we both know damn well that she is far from that, and after she found out I had been let down, and she'd said "Oh, I am second choice then now", she proceeded for the next three hours as if to prove a point, to show me how far removed from sweet and innocent she was.......I was wondering if I would recover in time for my planned trip to a lovely 18th century Manor House the following week......I don't normally have two adventures so close together, as finances dictate that I have to spread them out a liitle, but that cancellation threw the timetable out of the window, and left me hoping I would be able to play the Lord of the Manor to my lovely Lady Chatterley the following weekend......didn't want to have to call on Mellor's the gardener to entertain Lady C......he get's enough from what I can remember of the book.......don't forget it was banned when it first came out, and I could only get to quickly read the juicy bits on the dog eared pages behind the school bike sheds!
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Added on: 01/24/07 12:20
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My last blog of 2006 some three weeks ago ended with this statement.....2007 is going to start with me seeing my first new lady for a very long while......me and my big mouth, might have known something would go wrong.....I had arranged to meet the lady whose humour and personality had jumped out at me from the pc screen at 1pm, and I was just about to have a shower and start to get ready when my phone beeped with a text message........I never thought for one minute it would be her, and even when I saw her name appear I thought she was just texting to make sure everything was okay......so you can imagine the sinking feeling when I read those dreaded words " i'm sorry"......she had woke up with a stinking cold and was going to have to cancel.....she was very apologetic and even texted me back a couple more times...... I assured her it was no problem as these things do happen, and we agreed to re-arrange another time.....It left me with a strange feeling though, as I was all revved up with nowhere to go, and it was the first time something like this had happened to me.

I didn't want to rush into something I might regret later, so I just wrote the day off and put it down to bad luck......not the best of ways to start off 2007, but I suppose it can only get better......and it looks as if it is doing just that......getting better....but more about that later.
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Added on: 01/19/07 01:16
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Another year gone to reminisce over, and what an exciting year it has been.....I didn't think 2006 could better the experiences of the previous year which kicked off with visits to Barcelona, where I met some of the local ladies, initially hiding my nerves behind the language barrier, until I met one who spoke perfect English which gave me the courage to meet my first UK escort who later in the year I took to Barcelona to show her the delights of that beautiful city (and she showed me a few delights as well), a memorable mainly for the wrong reasons trip to London where I got caught up in the July 7 bombings, and ended the year with a visit to the first lady I had got to know via Punterlink forums........but all that was nothing compared to what was in store for 2006......I was attracted to two or three ladies who posted on plink forums and blogs, their personalities and sense of humour shone through in their posts, and I was fascinated by the double lives they led, one minute they were prim and proper ladies with normal day to day routines, and then the next minute they were in stockings, suspenders and killer heels seducing the pants off innocent (cough) guys like myself, and as I was to find out for myself later, thoroughly enjoying doing it as well.

I started the year off with a visit to a unique lady who I had exchanged quite a few emails and pm's with, enjoyed her humour and just had to meet her and wasn't disappointed, and then I got in contact with a lovely gent, who i was later to have the pleasure of meeting, but who has now sadly stopped posting on the forums and blogs, he had also seen this same lady and he recommended two others to me who he had seen, who coincidently
had already actually caught my eye.......not detailed explicit recommendations, but sort of " you will like her she is a lovely person " kind of recommendation...... ....the rest of my 2006 adventures were almost exlusively shared between these three ladies and the blonde who I took to Barcelona the previous year and still see from time to time.......I've got to know these ladies quite well and my friend was right, they are lovely genuine human beings.......althoug h one has inexplicibly disappeared off the radar after a very brief career as an escort, I suspect she may have been swept off her feet by a knight in shining armour, as she was perhaps using escorting to find romance.....if that is the case he's a lucky bugger as she is a lovely person.

I enjoy the longer two hour minimum meetings, where I can build up a bit of a rapport with the lady, and when I can afford it a night out at the theatre or a short trip abroard, so the highlight of my 2006 was without doubt a return visit to Barcelona in October with a very sexy lady who certainly knows how to rock my boat.......the only lowpoints of 2006 have been when I have let my dick rule my head, and booked a one hour appointment on the spur of the moment...........two occasions I have never mentioned before.....the first was earlier in the year when I had to go and pick a mate up from East Midlands airport and decided I would tie that in with seeing a lady to scratch my itch......normally as I have done before when such a trip came up, I would have arranged to see the lovely sexy blonde who was the first lady I saw in the Uk, who is local to me, but as she couldn't accomodate me at home because she had friends staying, and it was an early afternoon flight which meant I couldn't book into an hotel, I looked elsewhere and arranged to meet a blonde who did incalls not far from the airport......she looked and sounded very nice from her website and on the phone, but when I got to the flat she worked from and met her, although nice enough she just wasn't my type.....maybe my standards are too high, having been lucky enough to meet such lovely ladies, but this one just didn't do it for me....was a bit too in your face i'm afraid.....her welcome of "hello luv, what do you think of these" as she flashed her enhanced breasts at me, was not the reception I was expecting, and I hadn't got the heart to tell her they were mere tiddlers compared to the lovely natural breasts of another certain lady I knew....one who would never dream of greeting me in such a way......although having said that the last time I saw her she did greet me in a little sexy negligee that left very little to the imagination, and had my John Thomas ready for action faster than you could say....John Thomas......oops! sorry getting carried away.....where was I?....oh yes that blonde....well dick ruled head and I stayed, but left disappointed, it just wasn't my scene.

The only other occasion which left me with a strange feeling afterwards was my final fing of 2006 just before Christmas, another hour booking with a lovely lady doing incalls from an hotel on a mini tour....no complaints about the service, far from it and we did overrun quite considerably for one reason and another, but it meant as I was getting dressed to leave, she was at the same time showering and getting all tarted up again(excuse the pun) to meet her next client, and as I am normally used to longer bookings, and it had been well over an hour since she had had her wicked way with me (well that's how it had seemed),seeing her all glam and desirable again had got John Thomas wanting seconds.......it was a strange feeling being kicked out the door raring to go again, knowing that I might bump into the lucky guy who was shortly to be getting something i wanted more of.......next time if I ever see her again in such circumstances i've told her to kick me out while she is still having an "Happiness is a cigar called Hamlet" moment, and with the appropriately named Bach's Air on the G String still ringing in my ears. LOL

So that was 2006 and all that......if 2007 comes anywhere close I will be very happy.......2006 started off with me seeing a lady who is undoubtably one of the best in the business.....2007 is going to start with me seeing my first new lady for a very long while, I have been attracted to her through her posts on one of the forums and I like her humour......so i'ts fingers crossed time again....I hope we click.

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Added on: 12/31/06 14:49
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Just finishing off this jocular little true story of me and my doll....and Helenmc69 if you read this i'm not really into dolls blow up or otherwise, and this one came to life big style.

I was safely checked into my cheap and cheerful central London hotel last week anxiously awaiting the knock on the door that would let me know my livin' doll had arrived....would she look like the pics that Sir Cliff had enclosed when he forwarded the operating instructions the other week as requested, so that I could get familiarised with what buttons to press and be ready to play with her as soon as she arrived............ well after a slight hiccup when the taxi driver bringing her to my hotel was unsure of it's location, I was about to find out...... I heard three little knocks on the door and tentatively opened it....Wow! my jaw dropped to the floor......'Helloooo ' she said standing there in the doorway, and although she was discreetly dressed, the killer heels she was wearing showed off the shape of her gorgeous legs to perfection, and with heaving bosoms trying to escape from the little cardigan she was wearing over her top, it promised to be a fun filled afternoon..... her little wheelie suitcase containing all her things trailed behind her as she entered the room and flung her arms around me.....this was more than a livin' doll, it really was a walkin' talkin' and everything else, livin' doll, and she so resembled the lady I took to Barcelona it was uncanny......she was dressed all in black which as I was about to find out later when I dressed her for the theatre, seemed to be her favourite colour...Audrey Hepburn eat your heart out!

I defy anyone to tell this doll from the real thing, and after a few deft alterations to the pre-programmed instructions, just a little whisper in the ear seemed to do the trick, she changed from one costume to another and from polite miss goody goody to very raunchy sex siren during a mindblowing and exhausting time in the bedroom.......it wasn't her batteries that needed recharging before we went off to the theatre but mine.......I remembered to change raunchy back to miss goody goody on leaving the hotel, and she was perfect company at both the theatre and in the restaurant in Chinatown that she took me to....one that she had been to before with one of her china dolly friends......we then moved on to this upstairs bar in Soho and after a couple of gin and tonics, she seemed to be in the mood for more lurving....I must have touched the raunchy button as she walked up those stairs in front of me....I defy any red blooded male not to have done if they had been getting the same view as me as she struggled to climb those stairs in her killer heels and short dress......but all her advances were to no avail, my batteries were dead......we descended the stairs, a look of disgust on her face.....I blinked and she had gone, there was to be no Breakfast at Tiffanys.

She must be on sale in a shop window along Oxford Street somewhere, so I will have to return to London before Christmas to search her out.......I want this doll in my Christmas stocking....or perhaps more to the point I want this doll in her Christmas stockings!
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General Blog Category: Sex
Added on: 12/14/06 01:46
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Last week was a funny one as in queer funny, but then again one or two incidents did make me laugh......It was mainly family and friends stuff connected to the run up to Christmas, but with a teaspoonful of escort chatter thrown in to spice it up a bit, and get the imagination racing.......A couple of boozy nights out with mates on early Christmas do's of one sort and another, followed by a nice early evening wander around the Frankfurt market that is becoming a traditional feature in the centre of Birmingham every year......almost 80 stalls, with gifts, toys, crafts, sweets and chocolates galore, food of all description, and of course the mini German bier kellers.......which came in handy because my family knew where to find me every time I got split up from them.......I went with my two daughter's, my lovely little eighteen month old grandaughter, who is the apple of my eye, and my ex, who is no longer the apple of my eye. LOL......but having said that, we still do get on well and still socialise together, bit like can't live with you, can't live without you......but unfortuneately sex is no longer on the menu, and hasn't been for many a year.

The funny ha ha episode at the German market, was also rather embarrassing......da rling daughters after a couple of cups of mulled wine, decided they liked the look of the chocolate coated bananas on a stick, at this one particular stall, and proceeded to eat them giggling their heads off in a rather suggestive way, much to the embarrassment of mother and dad.......I don't know what my ex was smiling at though, 'cos she never did that to my banana, chocolate coated or not!

The escort chatter which had the mind thinking naughty things again, involved an email saying " Hi, was up past your way last weekend, and travelled back at 4am, nearly called in for you to warm me up"......no good telling me after the event......now if she had said beforehand, I could perhaps have ensconsed myself away in one of those cheap motorway hotels, and for once would have been quite pleased to have been woken up at 4am. LOL.......This email was followed later the same evening by another lovely lady informing me she was travelling past my neck of the woods in a couple of days time, and after I had told her to blow me a kiss as she went by, it suddenly dawned on me that the vehicle she was driving would make an ideal passion wagon, and although I don't think she realised the implications at the time (she will now!) I tentatively asked, mind racing again, if she was travelling up alone.....drat! she was bringing a female friend....that scuppered that plan!......didn't even bother to ask if the female friend was an escort, because this lady is more than enough for me to handle, without even thinking about a 3some.

That was the funny week.......The fun week, well that's to come I hope.....but that's another story
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Added on: 11/28/06 02:23
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When I decided I would treat myself to a nice Christmas present this year, and the opportunity to purchase this lovely livin' doll from Cliff Richard arose, I jumped in with both feet quickly snapping her up before anyone else got in first, It sounded great, would be delivered to my hotel in London next weekend for me to unwrap and play with in the afternoon, tickets to a top West End show were included for the evening, and maybe a meal afterwards, but the latter two would depend on whether her batteries lasted (could always get some spares I suppose) and if she could behave in public and what her table manners were like?......It was all becoming clearer now why Sir Cliff was selling her, as I said in my previous blog he'd said she was a real super duper livin' doll, within 21st century technology, insert a cd and she would say whatever you wanted to hear her say....great I thought, just the job for a really raunchy session....I could almost picture it in my mind her saying all these naughty things to me while I was having my wicked way with her...Oh Scotty Yes....you know the sort of thing.....but then I discovered the real reason why he was selling......don't get me wrong as i'd said he'd sent me pics of the last time he played with her, and she looked gorgeous, with a body to die for, a real Wow doll......but she had been fitted with too much 21st century technology and had a mind of her own that could overide the pre-recorded voice cd, and at times she would say whatever came into her head....well the top and bottom of it was that this livin' doll didn't like Sir Cliff and called him a 'sanctimonious arsehole'.....well she had to go didn't she.......I think she'll like me though, because I know i'm not a sanctimonious arsehole.

All the operating instructions have now arrived in the post, with pics of all the oufits that come with her, a smart demure outfit which I suppose she will have on when she is delivered, a real tarty sexy secretary outfit, and a little black dress for the theatre, above the knee and low cut showing quite a bit of cleavage, with fully fashioned stockings and suspenders.......I'l l feel like Michael Douglas with Catherine Zeta-Jones on my arm in that theatre. lol

But the one thing I hadn't considered in my rush to snap her up, was what to do with her afterwards.....I could hardly go home with a real life walkin' talkin' livin' doll on my arm, what would my kids think?.......So i've had to advertise her on the internet, and she already seems very popular and is in great demand in the run up to Christmas........but it does leave me in a dilemma, I am going to have to stuggle to zip her up in that sexy little black dress before we go to the theatre,it looks very tight across those ample bosoms, and she is then going to drive me wild all night, with glimpses of thigh and stocking tops, not to mention those ample....I said not to mention those, but as i've got to put her on the last train that evening to send her on to the person from the internet who has got her next, I won't have the pleasure of unzipping that dress to sample the delights beneath........I would love to have been able to take her back to the hotel and keep her all night, but finances don't quite stretch that far at Christmas time........I will just have to dress her up for the theatre early, then unzip her again and let her seduce me before we go......Blimey thats the demure look, the sexy secretary look, and the very classy tart in a little black dress look.......I hope John Thomas will be able to cope with all this!.....better get him down the gym!

Just a bit of fun, no offence intended to Sir Cliff Richard, after all it wasn't me who called him a sanctimonious arsehole, it was my livin' doll.....and no offence intended to her.
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Added on: 11/21/06 23:16
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As you get older it becomes even more important to have things to look forward to and, while there must have been a time when I said " I am really looking forward to Christmas", it was a very long time ago...............having been in the butchery trade for more years than I care to remember, until I relinquished the lease on my shop a couple of years ago, I used to hate Christmas, with all the hard work and headache's it used to throw up.......fair enough you were very busy for that one week, but it would be followed by a couple of duff ones so you were no better off when you took everything into account.........But this year I am really looking forward to Christmas.

Just over two years ago my then 20 year old daughter informed me I was going to be a grandad, she was in her second year at uni', and as you can imagine it came as a bit of a shock..........well the end result is that I now have a beautiful grandaughter who will be eighteen months old at Christmas, she is the apple of my eye and as bright as a button, walking, even running about and almost talking......can say a lot of words, but can't quite string a sentence together yet, but that's nothing, neither can grandad, or gandy as she calls me.........and this Christmas will be special, as it will be the first one she will really be able to appreciate, and I can't wait to see her unwrap her presents.

That's not all i'm looking forward to though, as this year i've treated myself to a Christmas present, and in keeping with all the dolls my grandaughter will no doubt get, i've bought myself one from Cliff Richard.

Got myself a cryin', talkin', sleepin', walkin', livin' doll
Got to do my best to please her just cos she's a livin' doll
Got a rovin' eye and that is why she satisfies my soul
Got the one and only walkin', talkin', livin' doll

Well that's what he said, so I am hoping it's the real deal............I haven't got the patience to wait until Christmas Day, but there's no need when you've bought a present for yourself, no surprise element involved, so I am having it delivered to a certain hotel in the centre of London the first week in December, and I can't wait to unwrap and play with her (she's gonna kill me for this I know), apparantly she comes with different outfits that she can be dressed up in, so it should be great fun, it will be if she comes with a tarty secretary outfit. LOL...... and afterwards if there is any life left in her batteries I might take her to the theatre and a restaurant, so I hope she's well behaved in public and doesn't say anything out of place.....Sir Cliff said she was a super duper livin' doll, not your original 1959 model, but a sexy temptress bang up to date with 21st century technology, and you can insert a cd and she would say anything you wanted to hear.......must remember to change the cd before we go to the theatre though, as it would be very embarrassing for her to come out with "Scotty I want you to **** me", just at the moment it goes quiet, immediately before the curtain rises.

I have been in touch with Sir Cliff and he has been good enough to send me all the operating instructions in advance, so i've got two weeks to learn which buttons do what......would hate to press the wrong button while i'm playing with her, who knows what might happen, could be even painful!......He's even faxed me a couple of pics from the last time he played with her (didn't think he was like that), and i must admit she looks very tasty in that secretary outfit...........If you could see those pics, you'd know why I am really looking forward to Christmas this year!

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Added on: 11/16/06 17:28
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It's just over five weeks since I returned from my trip to Barcelona, and life is back to normal......well both lives actually, real life with all the day to day family responsibilities that go with it, and the secret fun life that has added so much sparkle to my life over the past two years, and has given me the opportunity to avoid slowly slipping into old age completely devoid of sex....... they will have to drag me into old age kicking and screaming now, and believe me I won't go down without a fight.

Barcelona feels as if it was much more than five weeks ago, but at the same time seems like only yesterday.......I know that sounds daft, but it is a funny feeling which I can't really explain.........I think the trouble is I enjoyed myself too much, and my brain is trying to take corrective action to snap me back into reality by collecting up all the memories and pushing them out of the way deep into the vaults of my memory bank.......but it seems to have missed the odd memory or three, and I keep having visions of strawberries rolling down the stairs of that open topped tourist bus as if it was yesterday, with me frantically trying to pick them up, and my companion laughing her head off..............I do have a couple of nicer visions which when I close my eyes are as clear as if it was yesterday (No, not those either!) that bring back much more pleasant memories, but we won't go into that!

Real life has been expensive since I returned, my car failed it's MOT and I had to reluctantly spend the equivalent of two hours worth of fun to get it back on the road......... unfortuneately a ride in the car comes first!..............and then at the weekend, more car trouble when the clutch cable snapped just as I was about to go and collect the Chinese meal i'd ordered, so I was back on the phone to my friendly mechanic, who greeted me with that sharp intake of breath that tells you fitting a new clutch cable to 'that' model of car, is a bugger of a job and won't come cheap....Great!!

Lets hope the secret life post Barcelona doesn't encounter such problems, and so far so good..... I am far from being a serial once a week punter for several reasons, cost and plausible excuses being the main two, and I like to plan ahead a little if possible as the anticipation and build up to an adventure are part of the enjoyment...........although not as far in advance again as the Barca trip, because it really was agony waiting for that to arrive.........mind you it was worth waiting for!.........Before I went to Spain I had agreed to take a mate to a local airport at the end of Oct, and as she lived nearby I thought I would use it as an excuse to spend a couple of hours with the lovely blonde who had been Mrs Scotty last year in Barcelona, so as she only does outcalls I booked into the Travelodge at the motorway services close to the airport..........I know these Travelodges have a bad name re overbooking and the like, but I have never had a problem and at 15 a room when booked far enough in advance they represent excellent value for what I want........this one was slightly different from the norm though, and instead of being adjoining the main service station building it was within it, and not too discreet either as all the rooms were on the first floor, and you had to walk along a balcony in full view of the people in the main concourse below to get to your room, a point that didn't go unnoticed by my blonde friend when she arrived, looking very smart as usual, and very much the business lady she is in real life.......She only escorts for the thrill i'm sure, and although she has reviews on PN going back as far as 2001, it certainly hasn't changed her, and I spent a raunchy couple of hours with a very sexy lady.......the perfect antidote to the euphoria still lingering from my Barcelona 'honeymoon'.

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Added on: 11/12/06 16:53
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Ever since Rowners made references to Customs officials in his blog a few weeks ago this site seems to have ground to a halt.......don't know if the said Customs officials have been doing their job with extra vigilance, and are confiscating blogs at the border contols, or whether the thought of being stripped searched at customs has deterred folks from blogging, but whatever the reason only six people have blogged in the last twelve days, and i am missing reading the inane ramblings of folks on here.

Caroline has returned after a long absence, but she would have been too busy designing her new website to have looked at the blog site anyway, and would have just strolled through customs oblivious that anything was wrong .....the lovely Eleanor would have used the inside knowledge gained as an air hostess to dodge customs altogether, and Penny, Zoe and Kimberley would no doubt have used their charms to bribe their way in..........That just leaves Mark, and he's sneaked by twice, first he had a little moan about the lack of activity, so they probably ignored that, and then the next time they would have thought he was just a food critic who had blogged in the wrong place!.............As for his menu, i just love fancy starters, and i eat my main course with so much finesse that i usually have to skip dessert............anyway i'm right off strawberries at the moment, they bring back bad memories!

So come on guys and gals, i know this site is not working 100% at the moment, but if we don't use it, we might lose it..........then who would i have to talk to?
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Added on: 11/02/06 11:30
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After that untimely entrance of the maid the moment was lost,so it was out for a spot of sightseeing on our last full day in Barcelona.........ev en sightseeing turned into a continuation of the laugh a minute theme to our 'honeymoon'........t he open top tourist bus was the plan for a nice easy on the feet tour around the city, but after standing ages in a long queue waiting to get a seat on the top deck Mrs Smith decided to go 'a la Sandie Shaw' and remove her heels..........by the time we got to the front of the queue we were both giggling away as Mrs S had just remembered she had left her big box of condoms and also rampant rabbit on the bedside table, wondering what the maid would think.....i think the maid had already got the general idea when she burst in on us earlier.LOL......wel l i don't know if they have a no giggling policy on these buses or not which upset him, but a rather officious young tour guide took offence to Mrs S's bare feet, and told her to put her shoes back on.......we were still giggling about that and chatting away when the bus pulled off from the main central plaza in Barcelona, and i was immediately told to shhhh by a couple of frumpy English Barbara Woodhouse types sitting in front of us, because i was talking and they couldn't hear the tour guides commentary......now don't get me wrong, we both wanted to listen to the commentary as well, but the guy was talking in German at the time and these ladies were English.......for heavens sake!....that set us off giggling even more, as i seem to be making a habit of this with Mrs S, after being reprimanded in the London Palladium when i was with her in July, but this is the first time i've been told off for talking on a bus.

We got off the bus at the half way point for a stroll around, and a visit to the famous market just off Las Ramblas, where it was more laughs as Mrs S found herself paddling barefoot in a couple of inches of water as they hosed down the seafood stalls, and i bought some lovely looking strawberries which i thought would be fun to eat with ice cream and some Spanish cava later, and from the twinkle in Mrs S's eyes, she was on the same wavelength also......We paid a visit to my favourite bar in Barcelona, a fairy grotto like place with artificial trees, a water feature with a bridge over it, and lots of very dark little alcoves where you could get up to all sorts of naughty things if you wanted to.........it's the sort of place that if you are with the right lady can make you feel very horny, and it was very nearly a sudden end to sightseeing and a quick taxi back to the hotel to enjoy those strawberries.......b ut time was getting on, and it was back on the tourist bus to visit the must see La Sagrada Familia, Gaudi's unfinished cathedral.......it was here that the unthinkable happened, Mrs S was in a carefree mood and was barefoot again as we started to descend the stairs on the bus, she was in front of me swinging her shoes, when she accidently knocked the punnet of strawberries from my hand.......the strawberries went everywhere rolling down the stairs in front of her as she burst out laughing, pretending she wasn't with me as i frantically tried to pick them all up before someone slipped on them.......my face was the colour of these squashed strawberries, and i was inconsolable as i had been planning how i was going to eat those strawberries from the moment i bought them, and eating them off the floor of the tourist bus didn't figure very highly in my plans i'll tell you!

After a walk around admiring this wonderful Gaudi inspired masterpiece, i think Mrs S could sense i was none too happy at losing those strawberries,we had talked previously about how, many many years ago i had lusted over a secretary at work who was sooo sexy and always wore short skirts and tight white blouses, and when Mrs S began to say 'by the way i have brought a white....' i had hailed a taxi, the strawberries were forgotten, and we were back at the hotel before she could say 'blouse'..........I am not going to tell you any more about that, suffice to say i have never ever had so much fun without laughing.

We had a lovely meal in a nice seafood restaurant by the marina in the evening, and then it was on to the casino, nothing serious just went for a laugh, and if we won anything it would be a bonus......we decided to have a look at the roulette tables and i changed 100 euros into chips, and tried to look as if i knew what i was doing while Mrs S looked on.....i was only playing on red or black, thinking if i could double my money i would be happy......Mrs S had been to a casino before and played poker, but not roulette and i had to explain the odds to her.....she said this looks easy, just as red came up for the fourth time on the bounce, and my 100 euros was now down to 40, and she changed 20 euros into chips, and placed 5 euros on a single number.......you're pushing your luck said i..... you won't win like that, the odds on that coming up are 35/1, at least i've got an even chance of winning......i've just got a feeling she said, as the croupier called no more bets and spun the wheel, i was quite happy the ball had landed on a black number at last and i'd won....17 black the croupier said......hey that's yours, Mrs S hadn't realised..... ooooh how much have i won?....175 euros i told her,beginners luck!......we played on a little longer, she got too adventurous thinking it was all too easy, slapping 5 euros on single numbers all over the place, i built my stack up to 180 and then back down again, but we both came out showing a profit, me 20 euros and Mrs S 60.......it was a fun end to the honeymoon, but it made for a late night as it was well into the early hours, and it must have been 4.30am before we got to sleep, with an early start ahead in the morning, courtesy of that bloody cockerel.

The laughter continued right to the very end, but the last bits were only funny in hindsight, and certainly weren't at the time........we were at the airport in plenty of time for our return flight home, were given a boarding time, and so proceeded to get some last minute duty frees, but all of a sudden ahead of this boarding time, i heard the tannoy blare out....."will the last two remaining passengers for easyjet flight number xyz to Gatwick, Mr *** *****, and Ms **** ****** please go to gate 44 immediately as this flight has already boarded"......real names the lot, could have been embarassing if anyone who knew either of us was in Barcelona airport that afternoon......and may well still be.......i can imagine being in the pub, and someone saying i heard your name called over the tannoy in Barcelona airport, who was the lady you were with?....ooops!..... .....to top it off, after i had dropped Mrs S off at home, i had a windscreen wiper almost fly off in pouring rain on the M25 and a bottle had smashed in my case.

All in all a rather eventful and most enjoyable few days in Barcelona, and the sightseeing i'm afraid came a very poor second.....Mrs Smith is a most charming and very sexy lady, and i can't thank her enough.

On a serious note, the apartment we stayed in was excellent value for money, and i think Mrs S would endorse that.....if anyone planning a trip to Barcelona would like more info on it just pm me, i can highly recommend it.
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Added on: 10/11/06 00:22
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The senor on reception had a puzzled look on his face as i purposefully strode from the lift back to his desk less than five minutes after being handed the keycards to our room..... i had left Mrs S in the room while i attempted to sort this out, she had said twin beds would be fine and that we would just have to bed hop, so i am not sure if she would have preferred it to have stayed as it was, giving her a little more private space, but much of the enjoyment of such a trip or overnight tryst is waking up in the morning to have a beautiful companion within touching and playing distance, and having savoured that experience once before with Mrs S i was determined that a double bed was the order of the day.......so apologies if you are reading this Mrs S, i was being selfish..........any way back at reception the senor who was only a little older than myself gave me a knowing look as i informed him in my best Spanish that " reserv una cama grande".....which i hoped meant i had booked a big/double bed......he said it was no problem, and we were to stay in the same room, and they would change the bed........He must have seen the urgency in my eyes, and he certainly didn't hang about, the maid knocked on our door within seconds of me returning, she was accompanied by a young guy and they proceeded to bolt the two twin beds together and change the bedding accordingly, and the looks and knowing smiles they exchanged at the sight of this 'honeymoon' couple with an almost twenty year age gap said it all......the staff bush telegraph must have been working overtime as well, for we were soon joined by another guy who took one look at my bride, and knew damn well why i needed the air conditioning working............a ll was quickly sorted and they left, sniggering amongst themselves i imagine as soon as the door closed.

Although i was very pleased to get into our room way ahead of schedule, it did throw all the best laid plans for the day into disarray, and sightseeing was no longer the number one priority, we had been flirting both on the plane (the toilet is empty she said with a smile) and in the taxi from the airport, where i could barely keep my hands off her, so the 'Do not disturb' sign was hanging on that door knob before the maid and her helpers had reached the end of the corridor..........i was badly in need of two things, but a shower had to come first as we had been travelling all night, and it was hot and sticky in Barcelona......"you go first" she said......."feel free to come and scrub my back if the desire so takes you" said i, thinking no more of it until i heard the bathroom door slowly open.......i had my back to the door and before i could turn around i felt the two softest scrubbing brushes you could imagine gently massaging my back.......the effect was instantaneous, and although i had earlier politely declined an invitation to carry her over the threshold, i now could have carried her into that bedroom with my hands behind my back!............the next few paragraphs of this blog are blank i am afraid, as they are of the 'for me to know, and you to use your imagination' variety.

By now we both needed feeding and watering, and could also do with catching up on a little shut eye as we would be no good for anything later.........so i popped across the road to the little bakery which was dead opposite the hotel, and i brought back a couple of baguettes and two nice pastries which went down very well with a nice cuppa, and we then got our heads down for an hour or so......How time must fly when you are enjoying yourselves, we awoke after only a short sleep to find it was nearly six o'clock, so we decided to get ready and go out early, as after all i had promised to show Mrs S some of Barcelona, and we only had about two hours daylight left in the first day........we got ready in world record time for her, or so she said, and we were soon wandering around the red light district, i had promised to show her this one street i had seen when i was with last year's bride, that was full of ladies of the night, or ladies of the late afternoon as it was now........i think we both found it quite amusing, me walking round the red light district with my own strumpet on my arm.....talk about taking coals to Newcastle!.......and to top it off we took a wrong turn and got lost......me mr know all Barcelona haha..........but we found our way back eventually to the main street in the city Las Ramblas, and strolled up to the top and had a couple of delicious coffee's while people watching and chatting.

It had been a long tiring day, so after a very nice alfresco tapas meal.......yes the weather was that good even at 11pm, we decided to call it a day, and as we had some drinks in the fridge back at the hotel it was not a hard decision to make.............but so much for an early night,still didn't get to sleep till gone 2.30am, and then had two rude awakenings the next morning......i slept like a log (wonder why), but my deep slumber was interupted at some unearthly hour by the sound of a cockerel crowing......now i've heard of urban foxes before, but i never thought i'd be woken by a cockerel in the centre of Barcelona.........th is cockerel was determined to wake us up, it kept on and on, and i couldn't fathom out where it was coming from, that is until Mrs S started laughing........"it' s the alarm on my phone" she said," i thought i'd turned it off"........well we were both awake now, and one thing led to another, i blame her, she left her alarm activated........... ...but just as we were seriously enjoying ourselves the door bell rang........christ!, the maids must come early in this place i thought, but carried on with what i was doing.........then to my horror the door opened, i've never uncoupled so fast in my life, and we both dived under the sheets........my few words of Spanish came in handy again, 'más tarde' (later) i whimpered, without looking up, and the door closed .........i wasn't sure if she was still in the room with thoughts of a mnage à trois, or if she had left........ it was the latter.

Blimey i didn't realise i had so much fun, and i need another break (hope i didn't say that at the time) before the final episode.

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Added on: 10/09/06 00:10
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At last the waiting was over, and i set off south to collect the delightful lady who was to be my companion for the next three days......we had made a mutual decision to travel out in the early morning so as to maximise our time there, but early meant unearthly hour early, and i had to leave home just before 1am in order to arrive at my rent-a-brides house at 3.30am as arranged, so i was glad of her offer to drive the rest of the way to Gatwick........From the moment she got behind the wheel of my car it was a laugh a minute for the next three days......that's no reflection on her driving by the way.......and this unlikely Mr and Mrs Smith were off to sunny Spain, and we were both excited at the prospect......It wasn't going to be anything flash, i am no mega rich client trying to impress with five star hotels and fancy restaurants......... .just two cheap easyjet flights, and a three star apartment in the centre of Barcelona.

I almost had an hernia lifting her massive suitcase into the boot of my car, " what the bloody hell have you got in there?" i enquired, wondering if she had got her wires crossed and had thought we were going for longer........"could n't decide what clothes to bring, and wanted to bring some nice sexy stuff to keep John Thomas standing to attention in the bedroom".......well i couldn't argue with that now could i?

The laughter started in ernest when we arrived at Gatwick, i had booked one of the meet and greet parking companies, and was a liitle worried it might turn pear shaped after reading bad reports about some of these companies in the press recently, and when we pulled in where we had been requested to, a traffic warden tried to move us on, which was not a good sign, but our greeter came running up and to my great relief everything was fine.........but not for long, we had decided not to carry hand luggage with us as we would have at least two hours to kill before we could check into our room when we arrived, and wanted to just dump the suitcases and take a stroll around, so all we had between us was Mrs Smiths handbag containing no liquids or any other items banned in hand luggage under today's stringent security......or so we thought.......after a brief scare at passport control, when Mrs S was asked to remove her sunglasses so he could have a good look at her, as she didn't resemble the pic in her passport, with me contemplating the prospect of a honeymoon without the bride.....we moved on to the search area, where Mrs S set off the bleeper and was body searched by a young lady who thought the stays in her basque might be hidden weapons of mass destruction......... little did she know it was not the basque, but what was inside it that was the weapon of mass destruction........w e then went to collect her handbag after it had passed through the x-ray machine, to be greeted by "madam is this your handbag?"..... a security guy then proceeded to empty most of the contents into two piles on the table, the larger pile of assorted mascaras and lip glosses were deemed to contravene the regulations, and not allowed as they were classed as liquids........it would have been funny if it hadn't been so expensive, as Mrs S had only just bought the majority of them, and had to pay a visit to Boots in the departure lounge once we had cleared all the security checks to replenish them, and she also came back with a couple of boxes of condoms.......i'm glad she didn't have that sort of quantity in her handbag when it was searched, would have been a little embarassing, considering we were only going for three days, and i would rightly have received a few looks of disbelief.

The flight was good, and the plane was less than a third full, we were asked to move to the back of the plane to help distribute the weight more evenly.....what a bloody cheek!.....just because neither of us resemble stick insects. hahah.... but it had it's advantages, as we didn't have anyone near us to see me stroking her leg, and we could talk without fear of being overheard, in fact i asked Mrs S if she fancied other oral activities apart from talking, but she went all coy on me.

On arrival in Barcelona we jumped in a cab, and reached our aparthotel about two and a half hours before scheduled check in time of 2.00pm, the receptionist spoke a little English, and with the help of my limited Spanish, i enquired as to the possibilities of checking in before 2.00pm, and to my surprise he said our room was ready and handed us the keys........John Thomas started twitching again straight away, he had been on red alert several times during the previous nine hours with thoughts of mile high club, and oral of the non talking kind, and he was desperate to take Mrs Smiths Barcelona virginity, and the prospect of it happening a couple of hours earlier than he had hoped for was having noticable effect..........but his ardour soon diminished upon opening the door to our apartment.......alth ough it was a smashing one bedroomed apartment, which was indeed more five star than three star, it had two twin beds instead of the double i'd booked and the air-conditioning didn't seem to be working............b ack to reception post haste!

This is proving to be longer than i thought, so more funny's to follow......strawber ries and cream go down the drain, and beginners luck at the casino.

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General Blog Category: Client's Experiences
Added on: 10/07/06 17:44
Comments: 5

There must be something about the first week in October that plays havoc with my testosterone levels........it was two years ago that very week when i succumbed to an invitation that has since changed my life, and me as a person.............twelve months on, same week i invited a sexy lady to join me as my rent-a-bride for a couple of days honeymoon type activities in a beautiful European city....... that was all pretty much straightforward, as she was the only lady i had seen in the UK at that time, so i didn't have too many options to consider, i proposed......she named the dowry she required for our brief marriage of convenience, i agreed, and we had a marvellous couple of days fun..............since then things have changed somewhat, and i've been quite a naughty boy during the last twelve months, trying to make up for lost time before it's too late, and i've met three or four more lovely ladies, so when i decided to repeat the October fun fest this year i had a difficult decision to make.................last years bride was fully aware that i had been committing adultery, but was still prepared to come away with me again (see how much more understanding you girls are compared with real wives, LOL), so i must have behaved myself and been a good boy..............but this year i was spoilt for choice,and last years bride has had the 'spanish archer' (el bow)......she took the news in good part though when i saw her a few weeks ago, even if she did call me a slut, but when she found i was returning to the same city,it was "you must take her there, she will like that", remembering places she had enjoyed herself.........so our divorce will no doubt be little more than a trial separation.

The choice this year was a difficult one, but i'm off with a new rent-a-bride in two weeks time, and i am looking forward to it much more than i was this time last year.........i was a little apprehensive last year of how we would get on outside of the bedroom environment, but i have no such doubts this time....... my new 'bride' is the most delightful company, and good fun..........she makes me laugh (amongst other things, lol) which is a vital ingredient, and she just exudes sexuality..........i just know we're going to have a fab time, and it has been agony waiting....... it was all organised way back at the beginning of July when i last saw her, and these past few weeks i've been unsuccessfully trying to push it to the back of my mind by busying myself in the garden, but it needed something more mind consuming, so i bought myself a new toy........no not that kind of toy, it's that kind of activity i'm trying to blank out at the moment........i got myself a more techie toy in the shape of a digital camera, and i've been absorbing myself trying to get to grips with it ...........never had one before, in fact the limit to my photography has been those cheap throwaway camera's you buy in the large supermarkets, and not being a very up to the minute technically minded person (i thought an ipod was a variety of vegetable, that Birds Eye picked, podded and froze all in one day), it has certainly occupied my mind to the full trying to understand all the instructions.........might not need that bromide after all.

I can't wait to get there.........might have to try and bribe the receptionist at the hotel when we arrive, to persuade him/her to let us check in early though........we arrive barring delays a couple of hours before the stipulated check in time after a very early morning flight, and i will be in great need of a couple of things when we finally get into our room............the first will be a nice shower to freshen up after the journey............the second.........i'll leave that to your imagination!!.......and if she's reading this......sorry wifey darling, but we are supposed to be on honeymoon!

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Added on: 09/19/06 00:39
Comments: 6

Driving along alone in the car the other day, window down, and a Rolling Stones album blaring away quiet loudly, me and Mick Jagger singing "Ruby Tuesday" to anyone who cared to listen.......it must have been quite a sight to see and hear, you'd have thought it was some boy racer, until you happened to glance up and see instead an old git, who's mind is stuck groundhog day like in the late sixties, with him in his twenties...........talk about young at heart, i think that is stretching it a bit too much, why doesn't the mind get old at the same rate as the body?

I've still got a twenty something mind in an old almost worn out body, and it's not much fun i can tell you............i want so much to do all the things i could do when i was the age i think i am (does that make sense?), but i know i can't.............do wish somebody would tell my mind that!.........one line from the song me and Mick were dueting is very apt, it says everything i am trying to achieve in the twilight of my sexual prowess (not that i ever had any)....."Catch your dreams before they slip away!"

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Added on: 09/17/06 14:41
Comments: 7

Raining again, so a few more ramblings..........I have been trying valiantly to get the garden in shape before i sneak off to Barcelona, but rain keeps stopping play.........no i haven't been doing a rain dance so i can get out of it, it needs doing badly and it is a good way of taking my mind off you know what............except that it doesn't work, i am in a world of my own, all kinds of thoughts are going through my head as i busy myself cutting the hedges,mowing the lawn etc.............some funny thoughts as well, like wondering if the taxi driver would object if his two passengers got more than a little amorous on the back seat of his cab on the way from the airport to the hotel.........By this time i will have been in her company for over six hours, and fast approaching......no i'll re-phrase that......way past the point where i can no longer keep my hands off her...........if she starts stroking my leg in that taxi, all hell will let loose! LOL.......to top it all, we'll have over two hours to kill before we can check into the hotel..........looks like i'll have to stick to my promise, and show her some of the sights...........wonder if the hotel would relax their checking in policy if i told them we were on honeymoon.............if not, anyone know where i can buy a cheap straightjacket?......i'll need one!
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Added on: 08/31/06 14:24
Comments: 3

It is funny how certain things stick in your mind from years ago,when others don't............unfortunately i am old enough to remember where i was when i heard that Kennedy had been shot,in fact that memory got me into trouble a few weeks ago when i informed my theatre companion about it rather too loudly while watching a film clip of the said event, and got rebuked for doing so,much to her amusement, she was giggling so much afterwards i thought we were going to get thrown out.........but some of the things that stick in your mind are not world changing mega events,like the assasination of a President,but little things that just won't go away.

When i first started work i worked in an office,did okay got promoted and soon had my own secretary, not in the biblical sense either and not actually my own.........when i needed some typing doing i had the choice from a pool of four communal secretary's who did all the secretarial work for the junior management...........one of these girls was a real cracker,curves in all the right places and more besides, all the guys in the office fancied the pants off her.........she knew how to flaunt it as well,was always dressed the same,short black skirt,killer heels,and a white blouse that seemed a size too small for those magnificent breasts of hers..........needless to say she was always my choice when i needed anything secretarial doing.

I was about 23-24 at the time,and quite shy.........she was i would say about ten years older and married,but that didn't stop her putting it about a bit,i wouldn't go so far as to say she was the office bike,but i know at least two of the senior management were having their way with her,including my own boss.........he had told me she wasn't getting enough at home,and was insatiable, hotter than a vindaloo...............well the thought of that did me and my blood pressure no good at all,and whenever i asked if she could do some typing for me...........she always replied 'ill be with you in a minute' ,and disappeared off to the loo,returning with her skirt hiked up a bit higher and a couple of buttons undone on her blouse...............she took great delight in seeing me colour up as she flirted, rubbing her leg accidently on purpose against mine,and leaning forward to give me a better view of those gorgeous breasts which were trying to escape from that white blouse......my then girlfriend could never quite work out why i could never keep my hands off her every time she wore a white blouse! LOL

This went on for about two years,and i imagine she had a great laugh at my expense, she must have noticed the bulge in my trousers her flirting induced............but then i got offered a better job by a company a little further up the road,and i handed in my notice............on my last day i invited everyone for a lunchtime drink in the pub we used as was the custom.....senior management always turned a blind eye if you returned back late on such occasions so we had a rather lengthy liquid lunch.....purely by accident on the way to the toilet i bumped into my sexy secretary Mrs Maycock (yes believe it or not that was her name) as she returned from the loo along the corridor that led back to the bar,and she pulled me into an alcove where the pub phone was, and gave me one hell of a passionate goodbye kiss,rubbing her lovely body up against mine to such an extent that John Thomas immediately sprang to attention like a grenadier guardsman,and she couldn't help but notice.....i don't know if it was the drink talking or not,but she followed up by asking why i had never made a move on her when she was flirting with me..........i would have loved to have had my wicked way with you she intimated with a glint in her eye........although she put it rather more bluntly than that!..........i thought now she tells me just as i'm leaving.........i had to stay in the toilet for about five minutes thinking about world politics,before John Thomas had relaxed enough for me to return to the bar.

I did see her in this same pub on a couple of occasions afterwards,and we smiled at each other across the room,i don't know if we were both thinking the same thoughts.........i still fancy her like mad to this day,but the only trouble is my mind has stood still,and time hasn't.......she'd be nearly seventy now!
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Added on: 08/18/06 19:07
Comments: 1

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