me and mental illness
I suffer from a mental illness, probably mone than one. But the one I have to deal with daily is severe depression.
I was diagnosed as having a mental disorder after I was discharged from the Army. They didn't call it PTSD back then they said I was nuerotic and boderline psychotic, that way they didn't have to pay me compesation for an injury suffed during my service but, when they reccoginized PTSD I was only awarded a 10% disability. Didn't bother me, I was happy to get a 10% rating because it meant $25.00 a month from the VA. I didn't suffer from any thing that I thought hampered me. Goes to show how much I know!
After the military I was "self medicating" drugs and booze. Made no difference to me I thought that I was part of the Hippie culture and I was. Then part of the biker culture and the violence I had experienced in my life only made me more dangerous than I had been before. But I didn't think I had any problems and when I quit using drugs and booze I realized there really wasn't that much wrong with me. I haven't, intentonally hurt any one since I jjoined AA.
My depression didn't even begin after I was hit by a drunk driver and ended up being operated on and out of work for nearly 2 years. It began after I had to have back surgery, which became infected, and caused spinal cord damage.
I was the kind of person who thrived on adventure, excitement and chaos. As many people have said: "If there is every an emergency, you want Paul there." I'm still good in an emergency but I can't do the work any more and that's the problem.
How do you learn to re-idnetify your self after you have llive your life as one person and now an injury causes me to have to search for that person daily. I'm in pain every day and it limits my activity and it pisses me off so, I get depressed and when I'm depressed I isolate.
So, if I'm not posting or on the boards, you know where I am.
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General Category: Client's Experiences
Current mood: contemplative
Added on: 12/02/08 20:27
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